Welcome to the Jungle (2013) | Film Review

(Originally published on Letterboxd) - Jean-Claude Van Damme has ascended to near Chuck Norris-ian heights lately. Fortunately for us, unlike Chuck, JCVD seems more than happy to indulge us our joy by embracing the things we like most about him: His accent, his self-importance, and the fact that he can do the splits... no problem. In Welcome to the Jungle, he plays Storm Rothchild, a team building expert that specializes in teaching adults how to work together, unleash their inner an-e-maul, and not to be taken advantage of in Big Momma Nature's house. Of course it isn't long before this White Water Summer excursion descends into Lord of the Flies territory, and oh how the hilarity ensues... ?

Welcome to the Jungle is a crass, unfunny mess filled with unrelatable characters, typical comedy tropes, and not enough JCVD being JCVD. The moments that work are when Van Damme gets to make fun of himself by playing both to and against type. Nothing else does; not even Dennis Haysbert talking about his big balls.

 

The film's biggest problem stems from it not committing to being the hard R it wants to be. The jokes don't go far enough, the danger never feels real, and everything unfolds in such a predictable way that you never lose yourself in the story. Sure, some people might find Rob Huebel's mild racism, or Kristen Schaal going on a profanity laced tirade hilarious, but this guy does not. At least not in the context provided here.

Fans of the Muscles from Brussels will certainly get a kick out of seeing him make fun of himself, but other than that, there's very little here to get worked up about. You can easily get the same comedy value from his recent string of Go Daddy commercials. In fact, just watch those instead.